Where Have All the Hotties Gone?

If you’ve been in Thailand longer than 5 years, and if you’ve visited gogo bars and gentleman’s clubs during that time, you’ve probably noticed a disturbing trend: There are far less smoking-hot girls working in these establishments lately. Now, I know that beauty is a matter of taste, but if the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue (barring the latest ones celebrating fat women) has taught me anything, it’s that there is an objective standard for ladies who could be called the cream-of-the-crop—a scale, if you will. And the days of walking in to any bar in a red light district and seeing more than one or two 9s and 10s are over (with the exception of The Pimp and The Lion Club).

Why? Where have they all gone? It’s a mystery. Unless it’s not.

Local experts have their opinions, like the Junta cracking down on underage girls in the RLDs. I’m not convinced that’s the answer. Evidence points to one group being responsible for the dwindling numbers of really hot working girls in Bangkok: the Chinese.

Two of my former playmates from the Pong have taken jobs in Chinese-owned gogos outside of Thailand. One is in Singapore, and the other is in Hong Kong. They’ve both told me they make more in one weekend than they would in a month’s time in Thailand. One has found a Chinese boyfriend and lives with him in Singapore. She comes back to visit her family a couple times a year. The other goes to Hong Kong for a few months and then comes home and lives off her earnings for the next several months, then goes back again. Why would anyone who could do that….not do that?

It’s a harsh new reality. In a global economic downturn, Thai tourism can’t compete with Chinese casinos and resorts—at least when it comes to luring the best women. At the same time that Bangkok RLDs are pulling in less money, the profits of Chinese-owned establishments are increasing. It only makes sense that enterprising young beauties with the right stuff would choose to get the most money they can for that stuff.

So this raises an important question: How to stem the receding tide of hot girls heading overseas? The answer is, don’t. Instead, it’s time to seek out beautiful newbies from the countryside to come to the big city and fill the gaps left by fleeing foxes. It’s time to recruit.

It wouldn’t be easy. Three or four times per year, a couple of talent scouts with connections in Korat and Isaan would have to schlep out to the bigger cities and troll for new fish in the bars there. Then you’d need a mamasan here in the city of angels who would take them in and look after them, wipe the crust out of their eyes, slap on a little eye shadow, and place them on various stages around the RLDs. You’d also need a place to house them—cheap lodgings with several rooms and someone to keep an eye on them.

Of course, it would only be a matter of time before they got scooped up by the Triad and sent off to work in Macau or Taiwan. But if this machine worked correctly, by the time that happened a new crop of country rubes would be on BKK-bound buses, and the cycle would continue. Is there a better solution? I don’t see one. And while it may seem discouraging that such a monumental effort must be made in order to restore 9s and 10s to our beloved gogos, not to worry. This writer happens to know that a mamasan with a growing stable of coyotes is working to make this very scenario come to fruition. And who knows? In the near future, you might be reading a story by Seven regaling you with tales of weekend recruitment trips to Udon. Stay tuned.