Well, not really. But let’s see where this goes.
What’s up BKKNites fans? I’m Bangkok Seven. Long ago, in another life, before the pandemic, I was a guest writer on this site, so it’s great to come back and collab with Jack again. Back in the day, I had a series called “Thai Therapy,” where I made several arguments in favor of a life in Thailand as a cure for many of the ills that plague dudes in the West. And now that we’re experiencing an actual plague, it seems appropriate to shine a light on TLOS once again, since it’s one of the best places to be in 2021.
In truth, there is nowhere you can go on the planet to get away from Covid. That’s why it’s called a pandemic. But there’s definitely a sliding scale of horribleness with some countries being better options than others. And Thailand has to be somewhere near the top of the “better” list.
Last June, Thailand ranked 2nd after Australia in its Covid response. But let’s be real—Covid mitigation isn’t the only factor in rating the awesomeness of a country in the midst of this scourge. In addition, you must also consider the fantastical aspects of things like access to the 3 B’s: booze, babes, and beaches. I have single friends in LA who haven’t been on a date in over a year because of the combination of lockdowns, restaurant closures, alcohol bans, and the outright irrational terror many people have of the coronavirus. Now to be fair, Thailand ain’t Covid-free. It appears nearly so on the surface, but that’s because of the government’s insistence on denying the obvious truth that the virus has been running its course through the nation since day 1. So, the fearmongering propaganda is at least less here than in the West. Are there lockdowns here? Sure. When the case numbers jump, so do the politicians. BKK is currently in a quasi-lockdown, with restaurants only open during certain hours and banned from selling alcohol—one of the most inane, irrational, stupid mandates to come out of this ridiculous debacle—and clubs and gogo bars shut completely. But lockdown life in Bangkok is hands-down better than the US, where the pandemic has been turned into a political football in a game of “Name that Orwellian police state.”
My worst-case Covid scenario is this: I must drink cocktails on my balcony, alone or with one of my harem. I must forego gogo bars except when dropping in on girls who’re live streaming from their empty bar on Facebook. I must provide funds for unemployed gogo dancers by trading certain illicit bedroom activities for rent and food money. I must buy food from the grocery store instead of dining out every night. I must kill idle time by practicing ukulele and re-watching old Netflix shows. And that’s it. That’s worst-case.
Right now, we’re in limbo. On hold. Like a VHS tape on “Pause,” with a crooked line through the proverbial wavy, shaky image on the screen that is our world. But once the Thai government hits “Play” again, play we shall. The city is teeming with half-naked hot chicks champing at the bit to get back on the pole. Right now, they’re just taking turns coming over to mine—or vehemently refusing my offers, biding their time till they can once again shake their asses for us mongers. When the red-light resumes, all that pent-up horny gogo angst will explode on Bangkok like so much shook-up champagne. And I, for one, can’t wait.
In the interim, we’ve got plans in the works. The folks at BKKNites along with myself and a few other Pongrats are collaborating with the Patpong Warriors to create something truly unique. I won’t give away much about it at this early stage, except to say that once we’ve launched it, it’ll change the red-light game completely and permanently. Necessity is the mother of invention, and Covid has been that mother of all necessities. The only constant is change, and so we are a’changin’. The girls will stay the same—still hot, still stilettoed, still scantily-clad. But pretty much everything else will undergo a metamorphosis like never before. In an age where you’re forbidden from escaping your wretched life by boarding a plane to a tropical locale and slipping into a dark gogo where a girl in a bikini bounces on your lap, that gogo and that girl just might meet you—virtually, blended with reality by way of the internet. Through alternative means. Electronic means. A parallel Patpong. A simulacrum. A Cyberpong.
So, could Thailand be the cure for someone suffering in their home country under the police state boot of authoritarian power? Yes. If you can get here, and if you can endure 15 days in a quarantine hotel on arrival. And talks are currently underway to allow vaccinated tourists starting in the 3rd quarter. But if you can’t (or won’t), maybe—just maybe—there’s hope on the horizon. In the very near future, instead of flying in, it may be possible to jack in, using just your computer, and find yourself in a kind of Pong that’s as good or better than the real thing. We’ll keep you posted.
In the meantime, BarBar is open for business. They were able to get approval by adding a food menu. So if you’re sick of being stuck inside, pop on by. There’s a handful of girls there waiting to keep you company.
So, no matter what the future holds, there’s a solution. Lust finds a way. Keep your chin up, everyone.
