Happy Sunday, reader. How’s the no-fun-allowed limbo of Covid overreaction (Coverreaction for short, copyright BKK7) treating you? Ostensibly, we should be back to normal by this time next week, though we all know the Thai government will extend the booze and fun ban, because that’s how authoritarianism works. It still beats living in the West, though, am I right?
However long this ball ache continues, with nothing to report from the red-light district we’ll try to look for pleasure wherever we can. One thing we’re still allowed to do, albeit with no small amount of hampering (one only needs to browse all the restaurant closure announcements in one’s Facebook feed to know that), is eat. And so, here’s the next installment of our series titled Eurocompensating—how and where to get your western food fix here in BKK. This week, we’re looking at Germany and Greece, and as in previous posts, we won’t come close to covering all the relevant locations. I didn’t venture beyond my neighborhood, so this’ll be short and sweet.
G’s in Silom isn’t the only German joint in Bangkok. I’ve seen ads for one other place in my Facebook feed. That one has an Italian name though, so I’ve doubts about their food. No, for my money, G’s is the spot—the G spot, if you will—for German food. I eat here on the reg, and simply love it. When I was a teenager, I spent a summer in Deutschland, and nothing takes me back to those days like a big plate of something at G’s. My all-time fave is the Jaeger schnitzel, set apart from the other nitzel by the mushroom sauce. It’s simply excellent, and is big enough for two people, but you’d be crazy to share it, even with your best friend. The meat is light, lush, crispy and juicy. The spaetzle is hand-made heaven. The veggies on the side are terrific. If I could, I’d eat that dish daily.
Another great aspect of G’s menu is that it’s in two parts: the traditional offerings that never change, and a constantly-rotating set of new and interesting fare, just to keep things fresh. My recent favorite on the latter list was the Australian tenderloin on a bed of asparagus—not what I’d call a traditionally “German” dish, but fantastic all the same. And speaking of traditional, I struggle to leave G’s without making a pig of myself with their kaiserschmarnn dessert. Some weeks ago, before the police shut it down, XXX Lounge in Patpong defied the Covid restrictions by opening as a restaurant—something they had every right to do, seeing as how they have a restaurant license—and in that brief window, I managed to persuade one of their hostesses (aka out-of-work gogo dancers) to take off her clothes and let me spread an entire plate of kaiserschmarnn over her body, Japanese sushi-style. I didn’t plan to eat it—I just wanted to snap some pics. It was a struggle to get the photo shoot done before the heat from her breasts melted the whipped cream (photos available on my website, the link is below).
Listen, I could go on and on about G’s. They deserve their own blog (once the ban is lifted) dedicated to their eclectic, premium list of German and Belgian beers—an extraordinary array of the best of the best, both bottled (eg Paix Dieu) and on tap. But for now, I’m going to stop singing their praises lest this post become pedantic. Let’s move on to Greece…
The only other restaurant to feature this week is Aesop’s on Saladaeng Soi 1/1. Is it the only Greek restaurant in Bangkok? Probably not, but it’s definitely the only one in my lazy radius (lazius for short, copyright BKK7), meaning the distance I’m willing to travel from my front door. The décor is lovely—clean, bright, welcoming, and comfortable. I felt as though I could’ve been sitting cliffside in Santorini.
The menu looked small at first glance, but in fact it was exhaustive. Divided into courses, one is confronted with the task of choosing the best combination—the right three-punch platter pattern that will provide the most pleasure for one’s palate. I tried to walk the line between the traditional and the adventurous, opting first for the hummus, paired with a Sauvignon Blanc that was delightful on its own. It came with piping hot flatbread and was the creamiest hummus I’ve ever had. Course two was the flaming cheese. ‘Twas savory, sour, a little bit sweet, tangy and sumptuous. Sinfully good. The sauvy enhanced the flavor of the cheese and vice versa. Course three was minced steak on a skewer. It came packed with herbs and spices and was gone sooner than I would’ve liked. The flavor was purely carnal. The side dish was a pile of light, fluffy, slightly-sweet yellow rice. I paired the steak with a big, bold, beautiful Toscana that was almost too much for the meat.
Every dish was meant to be shared. As a lone eater, I devoured as much as I could and then took the rest to the mamasan at The Strip. Now that the gogos are closed, I’m not sure what to do with the leftovers going forward, but I plan to hit Aesop’s again as soon as the booze ban is lifted.
Is said booze ban a bunch of bonkers bullshit? Yes. Are the people in charge brain-dead retards with no idea how to or intention of curbing the Koof? Absolutely. Is every nation’s government using this fake crisis to clamp down on its citizens? Sure. But thus far, since the onset of a virus that kills only 2% of its victims and has only infected 2% of the world population (yes, those are accurate statistics), Thailand has up till now been the best place to be in a pseudopandemic. If we’re honest with ourselves, it’s gotten worse in the last days and weeks. Mandatory outdoor mask mandates have been implemented in 42 provinces (you can’t catch the Koof out of doors, by the way). The current booze ban has inexplicably caused the closure of most restaurants and entertainment venues, as if somehow you can’t catch Covid at the mall, and Thailand is beginning to suspiciously resemble the Orwellian, dystopian, totalitarian pharmafascism of the West, but we’re still holding out hope that they can turn things around here in what has always been—and what we hope will continue to be—the greatest country on Earth. If you’ve got a beer stashed in your fridge, please remove it, crack it, and raise a glass while you still can. Cheers, Thailand. Let’s carry on.
