“Electric Blue Patpong: My Personal Goodbye”

Electric Blue: My Personal Goodbye

What can I say to you, as you take your final bow? You knew my name, and shouted it every time I walked in the door. You knew my drink order, and the exact right amount of lime I like. You introduced me to my all-time favorite gogo dancers, who eventually became good friends and now are like family. Your owner, Andy, always shook my hand and had time for a chat. Your manager, Dan, made everyone feel welcome. The bar staff were always ingratiating, even when I was too drunk to make good decisions. When I was broke, you let me pay the next day. When I was hungry, your staff had food delivered for me. Whether I popped in for one drink or stayed for 4 hours, I was never bored or pestered or forgotten. And that’s saying a lot in Thailand.

So I say thank you. Thank you for introducing me to Ploy, Momay, Taitle, Taew, Oil, Bum, Belle, Best, and the girl whose name I always forgot and just called Big Red. Thanks for being sexy. Thanks for opening early. Thanks for not getting mad when I cheated on you with Bada Bing. Thanks for letting me smoke cigars. Thanks for the VIP discount card that also works in Pattaya and the Dollhouse on Cowboy. Thanks for putting up with my friend Kee Mao Moo whenever he’d get too handsy with the girls, and for letting me and my pal Lucky bring sandwiches in and cleaning up afterwards. Thanks for the naughty dance contests, for whipped cream and chocolate in my hair and eyes when I sat too close to the stage, for having the sexiest girls on the Pong several years running.

And as you undergo your modification surgery to transition into a steak house, know that I will be there every step of the way, holding your hand, eating your food, drinking your liquor, and generally taking up space. Because even though you’ll be gone in physical form, you’ll live on in spirit. I won’t be able to chomp down on a side of beef without the echo of a dance track’s steady beat and the glowing image of a hot young thing in short-shorts shaking what her mother gave her in the back of my mind. Speaking of, what would really help me accept the loss would be if all the servers in the new restaurant were hot ladies like they have at Hooter’s (please Andy, if you’re reading this please do that).

So here is where we say goodbye, and thank you, and bless you Electric Blue. You have been awesome, and will be missed. At least, until we meet again in Pattaya next weekend. But it won’t be quite the same.